dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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