Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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