I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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