Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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