It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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