i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
