Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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