I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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