YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
