remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
