Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
