I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
