Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
