when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
