someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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