Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
