:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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