Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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