My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
