I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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