Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
