did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
