Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
