I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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