you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
