I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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