Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
