spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
