I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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