Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i came on her dog
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize