Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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