And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
