I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
