i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
