i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
