my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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