youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
