So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
