One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
