Swine flu. Run for my life!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
