it hurts more in the daytime
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
