we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
