ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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