I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
