I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
