The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
