I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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