I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
