i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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