Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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