So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How external is "for external use only"?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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