if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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