im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
