thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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