Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
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I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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