remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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