You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
